Coffee spirit is not an aphrodisiac – it’s the opposite. He didn’t go beyond 4 minutes.
Hyena figured out a way of getting into women’s pants easily. I also made a discovery. You can actually ejaculate without having to put in any effort.
When you hear about ejaculation – the first thing that certainly comes to your mind is a man having his dick in a woman, and fulsomely humping his way to orgasm. With a woman intensely vocalising her way to a rhythmical explosion, as well.
In the unlucky event that orgasm doesn’t occur during copulation, the best, a dude can do is masturbating his way through a porn movie.
I used to think those were the only ways I could get the mighty spunk out of my dick-hole. But that was not until I got my current roommate, Alex, and hear him shag his girlfriend, Kelly, next to me. Yes, right next to me.
It was in earshot. It was so sad.
Alex drinks. He gulps to insanity at times – though not to the level of pissing himself. He normally drinks locally made Waragi, but when he’s in his good times; he tanks Coffee Spirit. A good time is basically him coming home to bombard a combination of spunk and intoxicants into Kelly.
Alex calls coffee an aphrodisiac. An intensifier. But it seems it plays some other role other than giving him an erection and vigour that will make him f**k Kelly to obliteration (as he loves calling it) – after emptying a packet in two trips to his mouth. This is what essentially happens when the drink has been chugged – he changes to a fearless man who doesn’t care about what the ‘innocent’ guy laying a mattress away from him is thinking or hearing when he is lazily moving his drunken body on top of his girl.
So we arrange our mattresses as always – close to each on the floor, and we blow off the candle to sleep.
A few hours or minutes later, there is sound coming from where Alex and Kelly are sleeping, and it seems someone is moving their body. I listen intently. A few seconds more, the sound is becoming spirited and murky. It seems it’s no longer one body shifting, but two. Well, I could have jumped to a conclusion that my neighbours are screwing, but for a fact, I also know, their mattress is like an inch and a half. So I am left meditating on the two situations in equal parts.
One part is speculating about whether these two fellows are simultaneously facing the consequences of not caring about where they should rest at night, and the other half is reflecting on whether Alex and Kelly think I am dead asleep so they have decided to bang the crap out of each other.
But just before my mind undergoes the process of forming a reasonable thought, someone starts sighing intensely. Immediately a strong heavy groan follows and dominates the first sweet rustling voice.
A revelation hits me finally. These two rascals are shamelessly screwing each other a few inches away from me.
But there was a problem. Because of Alex being drunk, he was mindlessly bombarding Kelly like he was digging his way to Gulu. And rasping energetically you would think he was afraid his dick was going to fall off before he shoots load into her pussy.
And this went on and on with intervals of indistinct whispers coming from Alex. I guess, seeking for reassurance on whether his dick was ‘there’.
Kelly was now also starting to enjoy the action as she started wiggling and jerking so hard on the mattress. There was a lot of aggressiveness in the activity. But surprisingly – Kelly wasn’t making any sound. Only movements.
Meet me. Like Kelly, I was also silently enjoying the moment, only without the twisting and wiggling. My cock was getting so hard. I was feeling a lot of, what I would define as, acceptable pain.
Unlike Kelly and me, Mr baby-maker wasn’t going to restrain himself from delighting in what was happening in the vicinity. He started nodding and wagging – and this scared me. I partly thought he was going to escape. So what do you do when you see a partner in crime trying to flee off? I grabbed the damn thing with all my might. I was literally giving him a hug – with both hands.
And because ‘Mr’ was increasingly becoming irreconcilable, the whole body erupted. I could not contain it any longer. I opted for a simple soothing rub on my cock. Of course this eventually resulted into me wanting to move my body, but Alex and Kelly were going to hear me. I didn’t need to be a feminine psychologist to sense that Kelly was going to find it hard living with me under the same roof in the days that would come. Rushing to wriggle about would also mean me not having my discovery actualised. I had to wait on and repress my physiological commands.
And the b**ch that is Alex betrayed me. Not that we had pre-planned.
Just a split second from me shooting ‘it’ out – the weirdo did it – he came. And he culminated it with a loud disturbing sound – the kind starving monkeys make. All of a sudden I heard him fall off Kelly like he was in his “at last I am done with this” moment.
The night that was thrilling a few seconds earlier was about to unfold into a tormenting one.
Whereas they had completed – I still had something to accomplish, and that was carving out a way in which my load was going to come out. But it meant holding on for a second so as they wouldn’t know I was tapping their misbehaving. So I just lay on my mattress and gasped with such a cadence so they would think I was snoring.
Ten minutes or so, later, I decide it’s time to go take a leak. If you are reading this and you’ve been through the same experience … you obviously know what’s going to follow. But if you are new to things like these … then read on.
I get in the urinal and pull the damn baby-maker out of my pants. To pee. 1 second 2 seconds 5 seconds — pee is not coming out. And remember it is 3am in the night. And I reside in f**king Kamwokya. A homeless ‘kifeesi’ could find me. So I try hard to push. Instead of having urine flowing out of my d**k-hole, it’s rather my intestines that are almost breaking through my stomach.
I am getting out of air. Like a whole man – I try once again, and a loud fart finds its way out of my a**hole. I figure out I am not winning this battle so I rush back to sleep.
A few steps into the house the goddamn bladder wants me back in the urinal. I trot there. When I try to discharge, the former process repeats itself, but rather than one loud fart this time I puff myself to exhaustion. Pain develops in my entrails.
I went back and forth like this for about 5 times until I gave up. Alex and Kelly must have thought something as I had them whispering to each other and no one asked me about what was going on.
I eventually slept off and took a massive urine-orgasm in the morning. I
PS – Alex was wrong. Coffee spirit is not an aphrodisiac – it’s the opposite. He didn’t go beyond 4 minutes.
